Let's Play...!!!

What comes to your mind as soon as you hear/ read the word PLAY?

Kids, toys, peers, football, running, healthy…These are some of the random things that all of us know and read every where. We are generally suggested by family adults and doctors, that play is one of the most important components for the effective development of the body of a child.  All this is great! But there is much more to it! Let’s examine.

Play is to child like water is to fish.Play provides a beautiful exposure for the growing up of any child. It is a beautiful medium through which it explores and gets a feel of its existence in this real world!

Play is an automatic way of nurturing the life skills in a child. Life skills mean all those skills which would be helpful for the child in managing its way through- in the outside adult world. Being fair and just, taking up the responsibility, leading a team, being a follower, problem solving, decision making, being resourceful, Managing bullies, fighting for what is correct, rules and discipline and..Most of all- BEING HAPPY! Isn’t it so? A child goes through all of these experiences in her day to day play experiences; what we adults go through in our ‘work places’!

Are we just talking about the outdoor games here? Definitely not! Its sounds paradoxical when someone says ….
In child’s play are hidden valuable lessons for dealing with the world around them …. Both within and without.

Written by Nupur Mahajan, Founder Team Member, Parwarish Institute of Parenting

Veena's Bicycle Ride

Since 5 am in the morning, there were butterflies in Mr. Verma’s stomach.  Instead of his regular Yoga, he decided to vigilantly pace in the park adjacent to his bungalow. Today evening, his 9 year old granddaughter Veena would take the bicycle to the colony market.

This meant that Veena would have to come out of the secluded lanes of their gated community and maneuver through the busy streets and the main road, cut through the speeding traffic of Bikaji Cama Place to make it to the market. This thought  was making his 68 year old heart pound louder than usual.

Why did Suresh give her this permission? Doesn’t he realize the risks involved? Is he immune to all the incidents of road rage and accidents that have frequently occurred on this busy road? Mr. Verma thought that he will speak to his son Suresh, about little Veena. She is only 9 years of age. She needs to play with her toys and be escorted everywhere. This is Delhi!!! Brash, rash and unforgiving. She need not ride on the streets own her own, right away.

The moment he met Suresh that very morning, he expressed all his worries and anxieties and asked him to reconsider his decision. Veena isn’t going anywhere Beta, we can always let her do all this when she crosses 15-16 years of age; Mr. Verma continued.

Suresh patiently heard his father. He really got a grandfather’s apprehensions. Similar thoughts were haunted him too. Daddy, said Suresh – “remember the time when I broke my wrist while playing the inter school cricket tournament. How did you feel? Ma was so adamant that I will never play this wretched game again. Who convinced her at that time? If I did eventually play cricket at the state level, it was only because you didn’t give up on me. Parenting is all about courage, right Daddy?

It’s true, Veena is just 9 and she isn’t going anywhere. We can always let her do this when she is 15-16 years of age. But what is the guarantee that you will be around at that point of time. Or for a matter of fact, whether I will be around?

Isn't a parent’s biggest role to make his child self-reliant? To make them responsible for their lives. Kal kisne dekha? “

Mr. Verma was listening and absorbing every word that Suresh was saying. All his consternations were now taken care of.  With a glint of pride in his misty eyes he addressed his son, “You know what Suresh, I have indeed done a splendid job with you and you sure are doing fabulous as a parent with Veena”

That evening the duo saw the apple of their eyes riding freely on the busy roads of Delhi. It was a moment of huge achievement for Veena and extreme pride for the Vermas.

Happiness is indeed seeing your 9 year old negotiating traffic on the Delhi roads.

                                                                                                                             Veena’s Papa.

Two year olds ..... How to deal with them?

My 2-year-old always has to have her way—from what she wears to the bowl she uses for cereal. How can I get her to be more flexible?

A: You are not alone. For some children, flexibility and toddlerhood just don't go together. The truth is what looks and feels like total inflexibility is a natural and important part of your child's development. Two-year-olds are at a stage when their sense of self is emerging. They are strong-willed, they know what they want and don't want, and they have the communication skills to tell you just how they feel.

At the same time, the world is becoming less predictable. They have a lot more to manage each day as they take in new experiences and encounter new people. To feel secure, they try to control whatever they can. This need for sameness and predictability makes routines especially important. As trivial as it may seem, using the same bowl or wearing the same pair of shoes may be an important ritual that helps your child feel safe and "okay."

Temperament also plays a big role in a child's flexibility. For example, children who are more cautious and slow to warm up often need more consistency to feel safe and so may seem less flexible than their more easygoing peers.

While it's important to respect your child's unique needs, it's equally important to help her learn how to adapt when things don't go her way. One way to do this is by setting sensible limits. Learning to accept limits helps children function successfully in the real world with all its rules and expectations.

When your child makes a demand, before you respond, ask yourself whether you want (or need) to fight this particular battle. Children need some opportunities to make choices for themselves. This builds their confidence, self-esteem, and thinking skills. For example, your child wants to wear mismatched clothing to preschool. While it may not match your fashion standards, the floral/stripe outfit isn't harming your child's development. This may be a "safe" choice for her to make for herself.

But when your child is demanding something you don't feel is appropriate, see it as an opportunity—a teachable moment. You can use the following steps as a guide to helping her learn about limits and become more flexible. In the example below, a toddler has asked for his favorite blue bowl with the train on it, instead of the red one his father has given him.

• Validate your child's feelings: I know you really want the blue bowl. It's your special bowl and you don't like using other bowls. (If you skip this step, your child is likely to "up the ante" and show you just how much he wants that blue bowl…often, this is when tantrums start.)
• Set the limit: But the blue bowl is dirty and we can't use it right now.
• Offer limited choices that are acceptable to you. You can use the red bowl or the yellow bowl. Which would you like?
• Help him cope with his disappointment by problem-solving: After you come home from child care today, when the dishes are clean, you can use the blue bowl for your snack. If your child doesn't accept the choices you've offered, or has a tantrum, remain calm and reinforce your expectation: Okay, it doesn't look like you want either bowl. I'll leave them here on the counter. If you change your mind and want to use one for your cereal, let me know. (It is important to limit the back-and-forth negotiation as it is very rewarding for children to engage their parents in this way and is more likely to intensify the situation versus resolving it.)
• Don't give in once you have set the limit. It is critical that you stick with the limit, despite your child's protests. If you give in, he learns that if he throws a fit and fights long enough, he'll get what he wants. And it makes it harder the next time you try to enforce a limit. Let him know in a compassionate way that you see he is having a hard time. Offer him comfort and some suggestions about what he can do to move on, such as getting involved in an activity together. If he won't accept any help or attempts to redirect him, let him have his tantrum and pay as little attention as possible. Any attention, even negative, is very reinforcing to children and tends to prolong the behavior.

The two's are a challenging time because your child is growing and changing so rapidly. This is what also makes older toddlers so interesting and fun. Up until now, most parents have enjoyed a feeling of control over their child's day-to-day life. Now your child is set on controlling his world…and so are you. Both of you need to adapt to this new relationship. (And it's good practice for when he becomes a teen!)