Children
start learning about themselves and the world around them from a young age.
They are naturally curious about things and are natural explorers too. So as a parent or a caregiver or as a society
at large it becomes our collective responsibility to provide them with a
nurturing environment where they can fulfill their curiosity. Now the
environment and reality in which we live is not always conducive to our
children’s growth. “Sexual Abuse” is a term that we have been hearing and
ignoring from past few decades by holding a typical image about it. As parents,
we find it difficult to talk about it with our children and ignore its high
prevalence in our country. As per the latest data, in India, every second girl
child and every third boy child has been “sexually abused”. The sexual offender
has an equal probability of being a male or a female. In my experience of
working with parents and teachers, sex and sexuality is one of the trickiest
topics ever to talk to with children. Let us examine why this is so; firstly
the adults themselves are not comfortable with the topic. For most people even
uttering the word sex is a taboo and cannot be discussed openly and
scientifically. This is in strong contradiction to the fact that all of us have
originated from it. Sex is the reason for our existence. Secondly, the fact
that the adults themselves have never been talked about sex in a scientific way
and this reinforces their beliefs around sex as a taboo subject.
If we dig a
little deeper into the meaning of sex education and break the two words sex and
education then what do we get?
1. Sex
which according to the dictionary means being male or female on the basis of
their reproductive functions and another meaning is sexual intercourse.
2.
Education, which is the process of receiving or giving systematic instruction,
especially at a school or university.
So, sex
education means educating about the male and female. To put simply it is body
science. Simple isn’t it?
Let’s take
the initiative; coach and train our children on ‘sex’ – starting from what is
sexual abuse; how they can protect themselves, how not to perpetuate it
themselves, about their bodies, how they came into this world, safe sex etc.
Let’s create an environment at home where they feel safe to share and ask
whatever they want to and not only get the support they are looking for but
also get the right answers. If each one of us takes it on for our own children
– we would create an entirely new world- A safe world for our children.
You may say
this is easier said than done. The question is how do we break the taboo
surrounding this subject? If we keep referring back to what exactly sex
education means then we can shift our perspective and look at it as it actually
is i.e. body science. Just like other types of body sciences that we teach our
children for e.g. digestive system, respiratory system, brain science etc. In
the same way sex education is also one body science that we need to teach them.
Considering the alarming number of crimes committed with children in the name
of sexual abuse, it becomes all the more important for all stakeholders
(parents, teachers and other care givers) in a child’s life to take the reins
in their hands and educate our children scientifically.
A few
points to keep in mind:
1. START EARLY – As a child is born, he/she is a
respectful and whole being in his own right. Parents start communicating with
their baby right after birth. This communication needs to be respectful and
will build on different topics over time. Right from the start a parent must
use correct body parts names to the baby. The baby shouldn’t be held naked in
front of anybody other than the parent. Form a culture of respect right from
the beginning.
2. TALK ABOUT
SEXUAL ABUSE WHEN THE CHILD STARTS GOING OUT – As soon as a child turn 2
or 3, they are enrolled in play schools and other classes. This is the right
time to start talking to them about good/bad touch and about child sexual abuse
in detail and training them to deal if such a situation arises. Sexual abuse is
an epidemic all over the world and we are not doing them any favors by delaying
this talk. As soon as the child begins to step out of the house and is on his
own the world is his oyster. However this talk doesn’t need to happen on one
special occasion but needs to gradually build up as part of routine
conversations. Some parents also feel that such talks take away the innocence
in a child. To that I would say education never kills innocence. It kills
ignorance. Children need the education and correct language to talk about how
they feel or what they are experiencing. And giving them sex education is the
best way we can protect them from abuse.
3. SEXUAL
ABUSE IS NOT ALWAYS HARSH IN NATURE – Contrary to what we generally
hear about sexual abuse, it is not always harsh in nature. It can be as subtle
as a gentle but consistent touch on a child’s private parts. A child can be
made to believe that nothing wrong is happening and that what is actually abuse
appears to them as something which is ‘normal’. The mainstream media which
often glorifies intimate scenes that lack consent and portrays women as a being
without voice by often objectifying them doesn’t help either. In such a
scenario it becomes all the more critical to educate our children about sex and
abuse in a timely manner using the correct scientific terms.
4. IT IS NOT A ONE TIME CONVERSATION – Many
parents feel that there is actually a ‘birds and the bees’ talk that can be
covered in a chat or two. But sex education is not just about body parts, good
touch and bad touch, it’s not just reproduction or pregnancy. It also covers
body image, peer pressure, feelings, body changes and many other things. It has
to be continuous and regular conversation and no one has to wince and sit down
for a serious chat. And once you have talked about the most taboo subject then
can their anything be left hidden between you and your child? Think about it.
Remember if you don’t talk about sex education to your kids, they will get it
from unreliable sources sooner or later because we can’t stop their questions
and curiosity about their own bodies.
I have a plea to make to every
person reading this article, please don’t hesitate to make an open conversation
about this topic, and make everyone aware about this plague of sexual abuse
that nobody speaks about. Let’s not
raise another child who feels ashamed to exist and blames self because of what
happened to her/him which he had absolutely no control over. Let’s create an
educated and empowered society together. Shift your context from ‘junk’ or
‘taboo’ to ‘body science’.
Written By Namrita Singh, Parwarish
