Am I a bad
parent if I don’t fulfill my child’s demands? Will my child ever stop
demanding? Do all children demand stuff from their parents all the time? What
kind of demands is justified and what shouldn’t be fulfilled for children?
These and many more such questions abound the parent’s minds these days. Many
parents surrender to children’s demands with a good intention of love and care
for their child but in reality it is not always helping their child in his/her
growth for life. Sometimes parents feel guilty of working for long hours and
then compensate by fulfilling their child’s every demand and sometimes they
bribe their children with gifts in order to get them to do their homework or
studies. Many parents, who feel that they had been denied of certain luxuries
in their childhood, want to fulfill their child’s every need so that their
child doesn’t feel left out or unloved. All this is done with good intentions
without realizing the impact it can have on the child. This instant
gratification of having their demands fulfilled can send wrong messages to
children about how to manage their life in future. For e.g. they may not
respect the value of money, they may learn to manipulate to get a yes for
everything and many other things. How a parent responds to their child’s
requests and demands teaches the child some important life skills like
communication, empathy, respect and money management. Although saying no can be tough sometimes but
it can be an important lesson for children to ensure they are prepared for life
when they grow up and have to fend for themselves.
Parents can
respond constructively to their children by taking some time to think about the
following points whenever their child puts across a demand:
1. First of all listen in a non-judgmental way and see
where the demands are coming from. Is it a legitimate demand or is it whims and
fancies. Whatever the demands be, refrain from using physical force and focus
on building connect by having an open conversation.
2. Sometimes tantrums and demands are not consciously
willful but indicate a deep need of the child. Maybe the child is overwhelmed
with emotion due to something that happened with his/her friends or it can be
any other reason. Demanding constantly may be a way to unleash his unmet need.
The idea is to make the child unlearn this behavior by talking to him about his
feelings and establishing connect.
3. Be honest and truthful with your child. If the child
demands of an expensive thing like a mobile phone which you can’t afford then
tell the child calmly about your financial affordability rather than putting
yourself under pressure to please them. Children’s understanding of such
matters can far exceed our expectations if we treat them as responsible beings
capable of understanding. Whether you choose to fulfill a demand or not, always
give a valid reason to your child without camouflaging it behind a story.
4. Once you say no, stick to your reason without falling
prey to fusillade of questions or tantrums from children. No means no and not
maybe.
5. Lastly, model the behavior you wish to have from your
child. Respond in a calm way and in case you feel angry, share your feelings
with your child and find a solution together. After all parenting becomes a
beautiful journey when there is a two way communication between the parent and
the child. This helps in resolving power struggles too.
Remember that, a demanding
child provides a parent with a great opportunity to
teach. Enjoy this beautiful journey of
learning with each other. Happy Parenting!
Written By Namrita Singh, Parwarish
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